Watched The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014) by an author from letterboxd.com
Immediately after the events of The Desolation of Smaug, Bilbo and the dwarves try to defend Erebor's mountain of treasure from others who claim it: the men of the ruined Laketown and the elves of Mirkwood. Meanwhile an army of Orcs led by Azog the Defiler is marching on Erebor, fueled by the rise of the dark lord Sauron. Dwarves, elves and men must unite, and the hope for Middle-Earth falls into Bilbo's hands.

Watched with my youngest (8). She found this much more confusing than the previous films, with random armies appearing out of nowhere.

For my money… I get that you want your character deaths to have a bit of meaning, rather than being essentially a footnote as they are in the books, but wow this is laboured.

★★½

My review

Watched The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) by an author from letterboxd.com
Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit enjoying his quiet life, is swept into an epic quest by Gandalf the Grey and thirteen dwarves who seek to reclaim their mountain home from Smaug, the dragon.

Watched with my youngest (8). She liked it but wanted to know why the Eagles didn’t just fly them to the mountain.

[insert “wormtongue – a just question” meme]

★★★

My review

Watched Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) by an author from letterboxd.com
Jack's got a blood debt to pay: he owes his soul to the legendary Davy Jones, ghastly Ruler of the Ocean Depths. But ever-crafty Jack isn't about to go down without a fight.

We watched the first Pirates of the Caribbean with the kids (8/11) and they liked it, so we watched this. And they spent the whole time saying, “wait, what’s going on? Why’s he doing that?”

We had to have a chat about how some films look good, have fun things in them, but make zero sense, even by their own rules.

★★½

My review

Watched Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) by an author from letterboxd.com
A prequel to the first two Underworld films, this fantasy explains the origins of the feud between the Vampires and the Lycans. Aided by his secret love, Sonja, courageous Lucian leads the Lycans in battle against brutal Vampire king Viktor. Determined to break the king's enslavement of his people, Lucian faces off against the Death Dealer army in a bid for Lycan independence.

This is an exceptionally odd film. I probably let the gap between watching part 2 and this, part 3, get a little large but that wasn’t the end of the world. As I recall, I think this basically fleshed out the big reveals from the end of part 2?

And it’s weird because, in a franchise where previously a big draw was Kate Beckinsale in very tight leather/pvc, this is really a Romeo and Juliet tale of forbidden love. But with vampires and werewolves. The vampires aren’t even all that vampiric.

And it does it competently. I’m not sure there is much more to say than that. It’s a solid three stars across the board. I don’t think it’s fair to say a film is bad because it lacks any real ambition. If you have any investment in the “universe” I think it’s worth the admission fee. It cost $35m and made $91m at the box office, so plenty of others agreed.

★★★

My review

Watched Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) by an author from letterboxd.com
Set during the Cold War, the Soviets – led by sword-wielding Irina Spalko – are in search of a crystal skull which has supernatural powers related to a mystical Lost City of Gold. After being captured and then escaping from them, Indy is coerced to head to Peru at the behest of a young man whose friend – and Indy's colleague – Professor Oxley has been captured for his knowledge of the skull's whereabouts.

I really wanted to give this a fair shot but it speaks volumes that the best parts of this film are those without the action/adventure in them.

Nothing emphasises this more than John Williams score, which appears to have been written for something MUCH more exciting than we’re seeing on the screen.

I’m sure there are those that don’t like this because they somehow overlooked the paranormal elements of the original triology but I actually quite like that part.

It’s very disappointing.

★★

My review

Watched The Old Guard (2020) by an author from letterboxd.com
Four undying warriors who've secretly protected humanity for centuries become targeted for their mysterious powers just as they discover a new immortal.

Still think it needed more swords and axes but I’m adding a half a star for the scene in which Booker explains to Nile what continuing to see her family will mean. Matthias Schoenaerts really makes you feel it.

★★★½

My review

Watched Willy's Wonderland (2021) by an author from letterboxd.com
When his car breaks down, a quiet loner agrees to clean an abandoned family fun center in exchange for repairs. He soon finds himself waging war against possessed animatronic mascots while trapped inside Willy's Wonderland.

This is just bad. In every way.

Actually, there’s some effective visuals and lighting but nothing you’ve not seen before.

My review

Watched Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023) by an author from letterboxd.com
After reuniting with Gwen Stacy, Brooklyn’s full-time, friendly neighborhood Spider-Man is catapulted across the Multiverse, where he encounters the Spider Society, a team of Spider-People charged with protecting the Multiverse’s very existence. But when the heroes clash on how to handle a new threat, Miles finds himself pitted against the other Spiders and must set out on his own to save those he loves most.

To be honest… I was all kind of a lot to take in…

My main take away was that Karan Soni got so much more then a crisp high five.

erse, 2023

My review

Watched The Avengers (2012) by an author from letterboxd.com
When an unexpected enemy emerges and threatens global safety and security, Nick Fury, director of the international peacekeeping agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D., finds himself in need of a team to pull the world back from the brink of disaster. Spanning the globe, a daring recruitment effort begins!

I don’t know if I’ve aged or it has but doesn’t quite have the magic it did. I guess we’ve seen a lot of the character since they were introduced too,..

★★★★

My review